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  • Writer's pictureTrevor Steinhauser


Throughout my life I have always worried that I was going to miss out on something. It is an exhausting existence to try and keep up with everything while always be in the mix. Many of us that live in the cyclone of behavioral health problems experience the fear of missing out. I think part of it is low self esteem, co-dependency and always yearning for attention.

I am as co-dependent and selfish as one can be. My life has been an endless journey for finding acceptance from others, worrying about what people think of me and judging myself against those I meet. Early on in my recovery I learned that I am not that important, people don't give a rats ass about my problems of inadequacy. Someone once said to me in my early recovery "It's none of your business what other people think of you". I was taken aback by this statement and frankly pissed off that a person that I don't even know would say something like that...I quickly learned that they were exactly right and ever since I try to keep this in the back of my mind.


The fear of missing out is sometimes a paralyzing feeling, especially when you find yourself not included and have no control over it. Control is a loaded subject and through therapy and working on myself I have found that I am a complete control freak. I am not a flexible person, I do not go with the flow and it was probably hard to be my friend sometimes. To combat this, I would have things so thought out in advance that it was guaranteed to go my way. If I had plans with my friends, I would set the agenda in my mind days ahead of time to ensure that it was carved in stone by the time the event happened. If there was a change of plans along the way, it would negatively affect my attitude and outlook for the remainder of the night. Surprises absolutely ruin me so I would go out of my way to avoid those possibilities. This way of thinking is narcissistic and full of ego. For 20+ years my mind and body were plagued by drugs and alcohol, I guess it is this warped mindset that allowed me to continue the charade.

Through the beauty of recovery I do not have the fear of missing out nearly as much. My priorities have completely changed, I spend most of my time at home with my family. The destructive lifestyle that used to rule my world has been replaced by a slow learning process of how to like myself and practice radical is what it is.


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